Monday, May 30, 2011

y'all gonna drive me to EAT..

OKAYYY!!   Lets talk about life's stresses. Stress is one of the biggest obstacle blocks while on my journey to better health.Yes everyone has stress in their life. Everyone has trials and tribulations that we must bare. How we handle our stress in totally individual. Some folks drink, some do drugs, some need anger management. We'll I EAT. I had to recognize that I was an emotional eater. In keeping a journal and learning to get in touch with my feelings I realize that sometimes I made bad choices based solely on the emotional curve balls life was throwing at me.

One such time was about a year ago at work. OMG at the time I was working for the worst company ever with the worst manager ever. I was drunk with stress. Unnecessary stress. Totally unhappy and trying to fake it. Just thinking about it makes me freaking sick to my stomach. Well day this IDIOT called my manager called me into his office and call himself telling me about myself. As a person with a title he thought that title meant more in life than it really did. You know the type, titles define who they are and expect the rest of the world to bow to that title. SMDH...I sat across from him listening to his feeble attempt to degrade me in the hopes of elevating himself. I was Lucy and he was the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoons. I heard WOMP, WOMP WOMPPPPPPP... the entire time I envisioned his dog peeing in his food. His wife cheating on him with Freddy Kruger, stuff like that. Its the only way to stop myself from reaching across the table and grabbing him by his too small cheap ass tie and choking him with it. It also stopped the tears from falling down my face. Lets get this straight, its not that what he said was making me tear up, it was not being able to respond the way I wanted to that was bringing me to tears. The emotions where backing up in my head and my head started pounding. I needed to get it out.

After he reamed me out just because...I got into my car and almost cried. Still holding it in I began to drive, I seriously started to get the shakes and was driving without a conscious destination in mind. Well my head and body didn't sync up until I paid for my carrot cake- cheese cake from the Cheesecake Factory. I got in my car and sat there staring at it. Not once did it dawn on me that this was not the right thing to do. I was thinking about all of the things I should have said. The emotional floodgates finally opened and I ate my carrot cake-cheese cake. Tears rolling down my face with each bite. The shakes finally went away, calm returned to my body and I felt normal again. WOW...

It was at that moment that I realized that in eating that cake, I gave away my power. I gave my power to someone that didn't give a damn about me, my feelings, my family, my life, my struggles. Whoa... that was what OPRAH would call my light bulb moment. I could not allow him to be the boss of me. I had to learn  new ways to deal with this butt hole but, losing focus on what I was trying to do was not it. There is no one thing I use to cope with life when it gets in the way because there are many circumstances that will cause emotional roller coaster rides. At the end of a bad day, YOGA is my favorite de-stresser. Sometimes it may be a simple phone call to my sister, niece or bestie. Reading or taking a nap, or even walking can do it. Whatever can be done at the moment to replace the need to feed.

Remember you are only a meal away from starting your change your health journey.

***have a happy and safe memorial day***

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